be
I don’t believe in changing who you are to be accepted.
Lazy, kind, soft-spoken, confrontational, undisciplined, even toxic. These aren’t just traits. They’re identities. Parts of your wiring. Things life gave you for a reason. And changing them? That could ruin the design life has for you. Or worse, keep you trapped in a vacuum. (Sure, maybe it works out. Life’s wacky like that. But mostly, it doesn’t.)
The whole idea of being born is to bring a self into the world. A self that’s you. Unlike any of the billions that already exist. So why would you want to change that just to be accepted? To squeeze into a space that’s already full, when you could just… be you?
A you that’s never existed before. A you that doesn’t have to fit into the norm.
Because once you start changing to match “normal,” you start fading. You get nerfed. Cut down. Smoothed out until there’s no real shape left. You end up pressing down that nagging feeling in your chest. The one that keeps whispering this isn’t it. But instead of listening to that feeling, many of us bury it under the weight of expectations, pressure, fear of being misunderstood, or a craving to be liked.
Growth is good. I’ll never say don’t grow. But growth isn’t the same as change.
You can still be lazy and grow to prioritize. You can be soft-spoken and grow to be heard. You can like pretty things as a boy and grow into your sexuality, without scrapping your entire self to feel valid.
Growth adds. Change (the kind we’re taught to chase) often replaces.
My theory is this: instead of trying to change, fix your environment.
Switch the room. Adjust the circle. Be around people who get it, who get you. Who don’t need you to explain or dilute yourself to be loved. What’s that old saying? Birds of a feather flock together. Our ancestors weren’t wrong. Finding your people has always been the quiet key to survival, safety, joy and sometimes even just breathing.
Stick with people who reflect your identity back to you, not distort it. In your creative work, your quiet time, your love life, your friendships. Surround yourself with those that see you, get you, celebrate you. Your energy, your chaos, your softness, your sharp edges. All of it. Because the world will keep trying to make you dissolve into the crowd. But you’re not meant to disappear.
Everyone has an identity—most of us, multiple.
Each one as unique as the other, and no less important.
Identity isn’t just something we’re born with; it’s something that’s honed, from the moment we become self-aware. And through defining moments in life, new versions of us may emerge. A switch. A mood swing. A trigger. Any of these could be the key that phases us into another version of ourselves.
But as we climb the ladders of society—career, family, culture—there’s pressure to suppress or even erase those identities. To pick one. Or none. To blend.
I say no.
You’re allowed to be many things. Many selves. And you’re allowed to honor all of them.
You’re meant to shine in your own way. Like a star.
That’s what we are anyway—strange balls of gas, burning differently
And as we get steady into Pride Month, there’s a lot of talk about authenticity, and for good reason. Pride is a celebration of those who dared to be themselves in a world that didn’t make it easy. But the truth is: everyone is navigating identity. Everyone is trying to figure out how to stay real in a world built to reward performance.
And maybe that’s the quiet reminder we all need—creatives, founders, leaders, students, humans:
Being yourself isn’t just brave.
It’s necessary. It’s the blueprint.
You’re not meant to be a diluted version of yourself. You’re meant to be you, fully. Loudly, softly, imperfectly—unmistakably you.
And maybe if more of us gave ourselves permission to just be, the world would feel a little less fake. A little less loud. A little more like home.
But that’s just me.